Transcript: How to Get an Expert to Help your Relationship Without Having to See One - Idit Sharoni, LMFT

Transcript: How to Get an Expert to Help your Relationship Without Having to See One

IDIT SHARONI: Welcome back to another episode of Relationships Uncomplicated podcast – episode 65, I’m your host Idit Sharoni and today I talk about How to Get an Expert to Help your Relationship Without Having to See One. And in the end of this episode I will walk you through 5 steps you should follow if you want to work with an expert in the couples therapy field without having to become their patient. So, stick with me till the end, deal?

Okay, now let’s dive in. 

When you’re facing an acute issue in your relationship and I’m not talking about occasional arguing and bickering, I’m talking about seriously considering divorce, or finding out your partner had an affair, or having a sex starved marriage – very painful issues couples sometimes have to deal with. 

So, when you go through something like this, you want an expert to help you, right? I mean, when you need surgery, you obviously want the best surgeon with the most experience to do your surgery. You’re not just going to go to anyone telling you they can perform this procedure. You’ll ask for recommendations, you’ll read about it, you’ll get some names and research the heck of them online… That’s what I would do anyway.

The same happens when you desperately need to save your relationship. You look for recommendations, you’ll read about the treatment, you’ll look for an expert and you’re very likely to find one… but the problem is that they might nor be available to work one on one with you. Either because they’re booked up for the next 3 months, or they are not in your area or state, or they may not offer ongoing services to new clients anymore. 

So, what do you do?

I’ll share with you today exactly how to work with that expert because there are some new and really cool cutting edge methods that experts in the field of couples therapy offer to help couples without seeing them in the therapy room. So you’ll see how anyone from anywhere basically can be helped by the best experts out there. And I’ll tell you something else.. It usually is a fraction of the cost it would be to actually see that expert. 

In the past, it wasn’t easy to find the best of the best unless you had insight from another person who went or got a really good referral. But even then, those experts were and still are full, with a waiting list. I know I am there sometimes having to ask my administrative assistant to start a waiting list. As much as I want to be accessible to new clients, I also want to maintain a quality caseload where i am fully present for my couples that I see. So, I find that here and there I call Betsy, who’s my administrative assistant and say “Hey, we’re going to have to start a waitlist. Please let everyone who calls that I am fully booked for the next whatever weeks.”

Here’s another situation I face many times. Couples email me from all over the world after getting inspired by one of my podcast episodes asking if I can help. Up until nor long ago, I had no solution for those couples. I’d always write back telling them I am not able to see them due to my license regulations. That means I am licensed in Florida and therefore may not offer therapy to residents of other states.

So, after years of utilizing waiting lists, and emailing back to disappoint couples, I felt there has to be a way to help more people.  

So, that happened for a while, until a new breed of treatment came to life thanks to amazing experts willing to share their superpowers beyond the therapy room – we now have a completely transformed world of help from the best of the best. 

And I jumped on that as soon as I realized this will transform how couples get their hands on the best help out there with a few clicks of a button.

Okay okay, you probably want to know what am I talking about, right?

So, couples today have more options to get help healing their relationship than ever before. And I’m not talking about more books or more blog posts. Those were there for a while now.

I’m talking about real expert therapists making it possible for couples to reach them, learn from them, and get their services outside the therapy room and in their comfort utilizing digital programs/courses, or workshops. 

But before I tell you all about those, let’s see why something like a digital program is something so many couples are utilizing today more than ever before. 

See if you can find yourself in any of the following descriptions. You think you need couples therapy, but your partner is not on board and won’t go with you. You tried therapy before, but it wasn’t helpful or the therapist didn’t really specialize in couples, so you dropped out. You believe you can solve your issues as severe as they may be if you only had the right tools. You can’t afford therapy with a real expert. You don’t have time for it, or the expert you want is unavailable to you. You are in therapy, it’s going well, but feel like you need extra help

And the last one which i think is the biggest of them all is that there is so much shame around what you’re going through that sharing even with a therapist is not an option.

If you find yourself in one of these descriptions, than you are in good company with many other couples and individuals in relationships unable to reach the help they so desperately need. 

This is where the digital world comes in. I mean people develop such amazing platforms for people all over the world to connect. Why not use that to help you, right?

So, a few experts in the past couple of years started creating online digital courses for specific relationship issues where couples get access through a login learning from the experts themselves how to heal or fix their relationship. 

Let me give you some examples:

Esther Perel – my favorite couples therapist who wrote books and has 2 ted talks with millions of views works out of NYC. In the past few years, Esther noted that she is no longer available for ongoing cases which makes it almost impossible to see her as a long term therapist. So, as much as you love her work, you may not be able to use it for your relationship had she not created her online courses for couples. I’ll share the link to her rekindling desire online workshop. 

Another great example of this is by The Gottman Institute who have been researching couples relationships in the past 4 decades. They offer The Art and Science of Love workshops live or in digital copies couples can purchase. I’ll share the link to those workshops in the show notes as well. 

And I should probably mention myself. As you probably know, I specialize in affair recovery and have been helping couples in the aftermath of infidelity in the past 8 year, so I’ve become an expert in affair recovery. I offer an online program called It’s Okay to Stay which is a roadmap to healing after infidelity. It is an A-Z implementation program that takes couples from crisis to regaining a loving and trusting relationship with their partners. It includes 4 modules and 15 lessons accompanied with implementation tools like blueprints, action planners, exercises, etc. I’ll put a link to learn more about it in the show notes. It’s essentially a link to the free masterclass I was talking about before. So, you’ll not only learn something, but you’ll also get a lot of information about the program and an invitation to join me in my signature program. 

So, when I got specialized in affair recovery and got emails from people all over the US and other countries asking if I can see them, I realized that I’ll never have the capacity to see everyone even if I wanted to. 

When I saw therapists like esther perel and the Gottmans offering their help via digital programs, at first I thought “Naa, that’s not gonna work” but the more emails and calls from couples I had to refuse not because I didn’t want to help but because I either didn’t have time on my schedule or they were not in my area, or other issues. The more I got those, the more I felt really bad for not serving these couples with what I know can help them save their relationships after betrayal. 

So, I took it upon myself to come up with a digital course. At first I had to create the content by reviewing what has been most helpful for my couples and the best way to turn it into video classes where people can learn and implement the tools I teach. Then I recorded everything into video lessons and added supporting materials such as blueprints, action planners, etc. 

Then, I had to find the perfect platform to put it all into so members of my course have the most comfortable access to their materials. And, then I was ready to launch. All of this took a little over a year to create and perfect… and perfect.. And perfect cause I’m a recovering perfectionist. And, it might be good for the end product, but it definitely slowed down the whole creation part of it. But, whatever, it’s ready and working so…

Now, I feel like the next step is to educate couples about that amazing option. I realize it takes a bit of a mindshift. I mean, when you struggle in the aftermath of infidelity taking an online course may not be the first thing that comes to mind. Why? Because it’s new, it’s innovative but it’s not what we’re used to.

And to be quite honest, sometimes it’s not the right solution. 

You might be thinking:Well, it’s not like therapy so how can it help us? And you’re right it isn’t therapy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t help you. Sure, therapy when it is done with a really good specialized couples therapist, is the ultimate solution. But what if you don’t have access to that? Or what if you have an amazing empathetic therapist who connects with you on so many levels, but isn’t a big expert on infidelity recovery or lost desire? Actually, some of my online program members took it as a supplement for their therapy. 

And, now I even think that in some ways, my course includes more and is more streamlined than my sessions. Also, the fact I offer lifetime access literally let’s you go back and relearn, implement again, any time you want. You might also be thinking – well, how do I know this specific content is going to help me? I’d say, you’re absolutely right here as well. In that case I’ll definitely look for as much information as possible about that. 

Here’s how to look. Find the course webpage or sales page and read it thoroughly as it should indicate the course content and what you’re getting. See if that sounds like what you need. The other thing I would do is contact the course creator and ask questions to make sure you can benefit from the course. I can speak for myself – I’m always happy to answer questions and we even have a chatbox on our sales page so people can ask and get answered as they are on the page. I even sometimes record a short video to answer someone just because it’s more personal. See if there’s an introductory class to this program. We actually go the extra mile and we offer a free masterclass that not only teaches you useful information, but it also goes over how the signature program is set. We do that because we want you to feel completely confident that that’s the right thing for your relationship, and if it’s not, then we saved you from purchasing and finding out it’s not what you need. 

So, what I’m noticing that is happening is that people become more open to new avenues to help their relationship. 

It’s not only digital programs, it’s Online therapy or Online coaching but those are different because you still may not get access to the experts you want to work with as they are based on the expert’s availability. 

Okay, so we’re getting to the last part of this episode and I want you to leave with some steps to help you navigate through working with a relationship expert without having to see one either because they are not available to offer therapy sessions, or you may not want therapy sessions, or can’t afford their fees, and you simply want something that offers more than a self help book or a good blog post:

Get on their site, see if they offer anything other than therapy. You’re probably going to find some free resources like a blog or a podcast – yay! That’s a good sign. Keep digging because they might actually offer a digital program AKA online course or workshop.

If your expert that you like offers digital programs, see if they also provide information about what it consists of. Either in the program’s sales page, or even better through a free webinar or the way I call it: masterclass. Sign up for that because you’ll get to experience the teaching style and your expert’s ability to connect with you through their message. You’ll also get to see if you like the message and the offer. 

If you’re still unsure. Get in touch with the course creator. Either through email, phone consultation, or any other method offered. Tell about what it is that you’re struggling with and ask if their course is right for you. I love it when I get those emails because I either jump on a phone call with the person, or I answer them directly regarding their specific case. And yes, I’ve had cases where I told people that my course is probably not the best option for them. Afterall, I do this because I really want you to heal and regain the lost rust. I can’t tell you what it does to me when I get emails from course participants letting me know this literally saved their relationship. That is why i do this!

If your mindset is still preventing you from going for a relatively new path of help, see if the course has a money back guarantee. If it does, that you’ve nothing to lose. You can try it to see if you like it and if not, you’ll get a refund. But, before you punch those credit card numbers to purchase, please read carefully what the money back guarantee is and under what restrictions. I offer a 14 day money back guarantee but you’ll have to show me you did the work and still are not happy. In that case, you’ll get your investment back. 

See if your course creator offers support in any shape of form. I mean, you’ll need to be able to connect and get some answers if you’re experiencing issues navigating the course or you may need to consult. I offer a members only community where members can share, ask , support and get support from others going through the same. We also offer technical support and course navigating support. So, you know you want to make sure you get an option to contact your course creator if you need.

So there you have it. 5 steps to Get an Expert to Help your Relationship Without Having to See One

I hope this has been helpful to you. Like I mentioned, I’ll put links to the courses I mentioned on this episode on the episode notes.

So, we’re about to end, so I want to quickly remind you to sign up for my masterclassThe Secret to Healing After Infidelity where you learn The 3 steps to putting your relationship on the right track to healing and trust building. If you’re in the aftermath of infidelity and you want to heal and rebuild trust make sure to save your seat at my masterclass

Okay, time to say goodbye, please don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast so you can get alerts when each episode is out. And, I’d love it if you can rate the show on iTunes so we can get to as many couples getting this valuable information as possible. 

Have an amazing rest of your day or evening! Can’t wait for the next episode. Thank you for listening.

Bye for now!

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