As if finding out your partner betrayed you isn’t devastating enough, not knowing if you’ll ever trust again only adds oil to the fire within. I Answer this question in two parts. Here is part one of our discussion about trust after betrayal.
Biggest Takeaways You Don’t Want to Miss:
- Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to forgive and forget infidelity? It would make trust again such an easy task. However, since it’s not how this actually works, many betrayed partners find themselves wondering if and how they can trust again, as a result.
- That’s exactly what Abby is asking in her letter below. Consequently, I decided to give Abby and the listeners some suggestions about how to conceptualize trust and regaining trust in the aftermath of infidelity.
- In addition to this, in part 2 of this episode topic (on episode 35), I will talk about some indicators that tell you you can regain trust. Look for them in episode 35.
Here’s the question that started this episode. It was sent from Abby in TX:
I hate the feeling that arises each time I think I’m over the betrayal. It’s the feeling that I’m now trapped in trust issues for the rest of my life with this man. I will never be able to trust him blindly like before. I will always have to be on the lookout. This turns me into this person I’m not. I’m not suspicious, I’m not snoopy, I’m not insecure, but this infidelity made me all of these and I hate it.
In those tough moments, I can’t avoid thinking of ending it and starting fresh with someone who hasn’t hurt me before. I am at a loss. On certain days I tell myself i can do this and on other days I ask myself why am I still here. Why not just get out of this relationship, go through the pain and continue onto a new fresh start. What do you recommend?
Check out these highlights:
Our listener’s question relating to trust after betrayal. [04:05]
What most people think happens to trust after infidelity. [08:00]
How the infidelity is not the sum of your relationship and how you can put it in the right perspective. [10:20]
What are some things you may still trust your betraying partner with and why you should. [12:55]
What’s the difference between blind trust and open Eyed trust? [15:49]
Some thoughts about how you can live in peace with an open eyed trust. [17:59]
Links mentioned in this episode:
Book: The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
Ted Talk: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel
Idit’s FB group: IT’S OKAY TO STAY – Healing After Infidelity
Episode 8: Am I Crazy For Wanting To Stay After Infidelity?
Episode 1: Are You In A Relationship Worth Saving?
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