We spend so much time in our relationships trying to make our partners or spouses more like us. During courtship, we actually find the things that make us different quite attractive. So, we usually pick those who are not the mere image of ourselves and, at first, it’s very charming. But later on, those characteristics become less alluring and we try to change them.
We can spend the rest of our time together trying and hoping our partners will be more like us. We say things like, “I have all my things organized and I’m always on time” as if we are putting ourselves on a pedestal. The underlying thought behind this is often, “I wish they could be more like me—more punctual, more attentive.” I give love this way and I wish my partner could do the same.
However, this can put us in a difficult situation as we may find ourselves trying to parent our partners. We may even be thinking, “Well, my mom was doing this and that, so why can’t you do it too?” Rather than putting yourself or someone else on a pedestal, stop trying to change them, and consider what it was that drew you to your partner in the first place. In this blog, we will explore why this is a worthwhile relationship goal to consider adding to your 2023.
You may be finding yourself wanting your partner to behave more like you. They are never on time or they aren’t as organized. However, think back to the very beginning of your relationship and ask yourself what it was that you loved about this person. This can give you a hint of what you saw in your partner and loved in the beginning. It could even be something you don’t like now.
Originally, you fell in love with your partner’s spontaneity. They were always up for a new adventure and nothing could stop them from trying something new. However, you now wish they were less spontaneous and more organized. Are they still the same person you fell in love with? Or did you just grow to dislike this part of them?
Stop Trying to Change Them
You will need to realize that you will not be able to push your partner to be more like you because they are their own person. So, it’s hard to make someone into someone they’re not. Also, if you are successful in changing who they are, your partner will feel compromised at the core. They will feel as if they are someone they are not. It will come back to bite you. Instead of trying to change them, why not try to appreciate the differences that exist between you? These differences are what attracted you to your partner in the first place. Maybe you actually like how “no drama” he was when you met?
Make the decision to first accept your partner. How they are different from you, how they do things differently from you, and why that’s okay. Then actively try to love that about them. It can feel like the beginning of your relationship all over again. It may seem difficult because being organized is something you value. However, your partner’s spontaneity is something that should be valued too.
You loved this quality in them once, so why not try to love it again? When you step back and truly accept your partner for who they are, you will have a much happier and healthier relationship. You will be able to live with the differences, rather than trying to erase them.
Interested in Couples Therapy or Marriage Counseling in FL?
You fell in love with your partner’s uniqueness once. So why not focus on loving it again? Accept your partner and value their differences. It may be the relationship goal you need to focus on for 2023. If you are still having trouble loving the differences, consider couples therapy or marriage counseling. Our therapists are here to help you look back to the beginning of your relationship and love your partner’s differences all over again. If you’re ready to start your journey:
- Schedule a consultation or call us at 305-507-9955
- Speak to a relationship expert to receive information about all of our couples therapy and marriage counseling sessions.
- Schedule your first session with one of our expert counselors and start your journey to a happy, healthy relationship.
Other Services Provided By Idit Sharoni – Relationship Experts
You love your partner but may be struggling to love their differences. You know that accepting your partner is the key to a healthier relationship. However, if you’re still having trouble, our therapists at Idit Sharoni – Relationship Experts provide a wide range of services to help you build the relationship you’ve always wanted. A relationship where you both can love and accept each other’s differences. Our Miami, FL-based counseling office offers many different services online besides Couples Counseling, including Affair Counseling, Communication Counseling, and Infidelity Recovery Programs. We also offer online therapy sessions for other types of relationship issues.