You and your partner have slowly drifted apart. It seems like the passion and desire you both once had has devolved. The quality is not where you both want it to be or you’re not having enough of it. In lack of other terms, your sex life is dead or dying. You feel pressured to be intimate with your partner, but you don’t want to. Or, you avoid it and it creates conflict between the two of you. Resentment gushes in, and you begin to grow apart.
We are often taught that desire and passion are things that simply “happen” – they are not to be nurtured or cultivated. However, this is your chance to reignite the passion in your relationship. And there are many things that you can do to make this happen. This blog post will outline some key strategies that a marriage counselor would recommend, such as cultivating intimacy and building sexual tension.
Understanding What Nurtures Desire
The key to rekindling the passion in your relationship is to understand what nurtures desire. This idea is inspired by a wonderful book called Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel. The idea is that we can feel more alive in our long-term relationship if we pay attention to what flames desire and do more of it. Sexual attraction and passion are driven by desire. However, as a marriage counselor, I notice often people don’t understand what nurtures these elements of their relationship. You may think that closeness and predictability will nurture your desire, but that is not the case. Instead, distance and surprise are far more likely to cultivate passion. Allowing safe space and autonomy can help ignite desire in your relationship. Introducing novelty as simple as dressing up for an event can also help you see your partner through different eyes – new eyes.
When Do You Find Your Partner Most Attractive?
As I’m sure you’ve heard, one of the most suggested solutions to reignite passion and nurture desire is to go on a date night. However, that’s how you nurture love and closeness. After a date night filled with heart-to-hearts, you’re not likely to go home and have sex. You will probably go home and want to cuddle. So, a great way to go about this is to ask yourself: “When do I find my partner most attractive?” The answer to that will give you an idea of what you need to do more to reignite passion and desire.
According to Esther Perel, a couples therapist, most couples find each other most attractive when they dress up to go out. When they are at a party with their partner and their partner makes everyone laugh. When they are on a business trip or playing sports. These are the moments that ignite the passion we long for.
By embracing the novelty and surprise that comes with distance and unpredictability, you can reignite passion in your relationship.
When you dress up and get ready to go out, your partner can see you through different eyes. That’s the novelty. You look different. New. When you play sports, you feel confident. You ooze it. That confidence is an aphrodisiac to your partner. It makes them want you.
Or, when you’re away on a business trip, which offers distance, your partner misses you. They are excited about your return. Think about when you’re at a party and your partner makes everyone laugh or tells an engaging story. It’s that magic of seeing him in his element. It breeds attraction because when we’re in our element we look confident. And, we are naturally and primally attracted to confidence. After a candlelight dinner, what are the odds to have passionate sex? Not so great. But after a party? You are more likely to find them super attractive, sexy, and kissable.
Desire Has to Be Nurtured to Continue
We are always encouraged to nurture the love in our relationships but not the desire, according to Esther Perel. We are taught that desire is there or it’s not. However, that’s not the case. The desire can be there to start with but can devolve. As a marriage counselor, I want you to know that you have to do something to flame that desire again. To have it continue to be there throughout your relationship. You have to seek opportunities and take them to do something to nurture the desire. Or it may fade away.
Start Couples Therapy or Marriage Counseling in Florida
You may not have learned how to nurture the desire to reignite the passion that you once had. As a couple, you may need support from a couples therapist or a marriage counselor to embrace the novelty and surprise that will help you feel more attracted to each other. We are here to help. If you’re ready to start your journey:
- Schedule a consultation or call us at 305-507-9955
- Speak to a relationship expert to receive information about our couples therapy structured process.
- Schedule your first session with one of our expert counselors and nurture the desire and passion that is so important for a healthy relationship.
Other Therapy Services Provided By Idit Sharoni – Relationship Experts
Your relationship is unique and deserves personalized support no matter what you and your partner are facing. We’re ready to help you protect your relationship and enjoy greater intimacy. Our Miami, FL-based counseling office offers many different services online besides Couples Counseling, including Affair Counseling, Communication Counseling, and Infidelity Recovery Programs. We also offer online therapy sessions for other types of relationship issues.