In your mind, your love is real and solid. You know your heart belongs to your husband. In this relationship, you love to be with him making memories and building a life together. You believe you’ve made your feelings plain and are walking the talk.

Unfortunately, your partner flatly disagrees. To your great frustration, he just keeps telling you that he just can’t feel the love, get enough time, or clearly sense your commitment. 

So what do you do when your husband feels unappreciated? Marriage counseling can help.

MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN MIAMI, FL: YOUR PARTNER’S PRIORITY POSITION MATTERS

Renowned relationship author and researcher John Gottman found that partners must intentionally and actively choose each other daily. Those who fail to do so leave room for doubt and insecurity to creep in. As a result, trust and commitment are slowly damaged and in danger of a complete breakdown without the appropriate kind of repair and attention.

Is your husband complaining that you aren’t hearing him? Does he say that he comes in second to your girlfriends or coworkers? Has he expressed irritation regarding the time you spend with your family? While these messages can feel unfair and even unreasonable, try to temper your reaction and tune into your partner compassionately. 

Here, a marriage counselor in Miami, FL, like one of our experts at Relationship Experts, might help you see your partner’s point of view. Making time to come together and focus on each other is an excellent way to communicate that you are willing to put your husband’s needs first. Why is this so important?

Your husband needs to know that you believe he belongs with you. He needs to be reassured that you care and appreciate his presence in your life. This longing to be seen and belong is not unique to him. It’s the way we are all wired. 

Your willingness to find out what makes him feel prioritized matters. Your dedication to meeting his need to feel prioritized is vital. 

MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN MIAMI, FL: REDUCE RESENTMENT WITH A MORE POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE 

Of course, if you’re reading this blog post, you and your partner may have already had some tense conversations about your perceived lack of appreciation. You may already be struggling with vulnerability and conflict. You aren’t alone. Most couples seeking marriage counseling do so after they’ve endured a period of blame and criticism, even contempt.

The point now is to allow a couples therapist to slow down the negativity and assumptions between you. Couples therapy can help you turn the corner on the interactions and perceptions that harm your connection. Working together, you can start to open avenues for mutual understanding and better communication. The goal? To make healthy vulnerability possible and positive interactions the norm again.

So, if your husband feels unappreciated, the last thing you want to do is avoid the problem or invalidate his feelings. Working with a counselor can help you do two very important things:

Stay curious and listen well. 

Counseling can teach you to give your partner time and space to clearly share his feelings. Couples communication is best when you are curious instead of defensive or dismissive. He can trust that you appreciate him if he senses that you won’t shut down his perspective and take responsibility for your part in how he feels. The win-win here? He feels heard and respected. You positively communicate his priority position in your life.

Set relationship boundaries and priorities. 

Marriage counseling is an ideal place to set this in motion. As you discover how your partner feels most appreciated and what he needs, you can establish how you’ll move forward. A marriage counselor in Miami, FL, like one of our professionals, can help. As a team, you can outline the changes, compromises, and core beliefs that define your connection. 

Our approach to couples therapy emphasizes the teamwork between you. You’ll be supported in devoting the appropriate time and energy to honesty, communication, and productive conflict resolution. It is difficult for resentment to flourish when you focus on supporting each other and feel well-supported by your marriage counselor. 

MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN MIAMI, FL: PRACTICAL WAYS TO CREATE A CULTURE OF APPRECIATION

Additional research by the Gottman Institute indicates that couples who develop a culture of appreciation are happier in their marriages long-term. In fact, Dr. Gottman describes this as an “antidote to contempt” and a way to boost positivity in your relationship. Consider these tips for turning things around when your husband feels unappreciated:

• Express your appreciation. Details matter.

This could be related to their character or actions. Whether you see eye to eye isn’t what’s most important. Simply compliment their ability to tackle challenges or new situations. Praise him; be thoughtful and specific. For instance, you could mention, “I admire how you approach our finances. Your attention to detail makes me feel secure.”

• Demonstrate your appreciation. Small gestures count.

Seize every opportunity for small, purposeful interactions. The idea is to acknowledge your partner’s attempts to connect. Do so with something simple like a smile, wink, or openly positive sentiment like “I’m thrilled you’re here.”

• Recognize and validate his feelings. Don’t wait.

Habitually pay attention to what he is sharing when something is bothering him. Validate his emotions sooner rather than later. Try connecting with a statement like “That must be terrible” or “I’m sorry you have all of that on your plate.”

• Create an appreciation ritual. Keep contempt away.

Establish a gratitude routine of sharing at least two things you appreciate about each other daily or before bed. The point? To steer clear of negativity and focus on the aspects you cherish in each other.

The more you show your husband appreciation, the easier it becomes (and the more likely he is to recognize it). Showing genuine appreciation to your partner improves your feelings of love and their sense of belonging.  Win-win. 

READY TO START MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN MIAMI, FL?

Are you ready to build a culture of appreciation in your relationship? Let’s move forward together. Marriage counseling is an ideal way to reconnect as a couple. Reach out to Relationship Experts. We are highly trained in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy. You’ll receive direction, resources, and time to restore secure commitment between you. Follow these three simple steps to get started:

1. Schedule a complimentary consultation. Or call our office at 305-507-9955 to discuss Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling.
2. Meet with one of our skilled couples therapists for your first session.
3. Start relationship healing with your partner!

OTHER SERVICES PROVIDED BY RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS

Therapists at Relationship Experts supply a wide spectrum of relationship assistance for partners. Our Miami, FL-based counseling office is accustomed to working with couples throughout Florida. Our offerings include an Infidelity Recovery Program, Marriage Counseling, and Communication Counseling. We also offer online therapy sessions to heal relationships more conveniently. Review our blog for more helpful information like this!