Has a recent affair shaken your faith in your partner or the institution of marriage altogether? Are you having a hard time learning to trust again after an affair and want help repairing your marriage? Perhaps you want help letting go of the anger and resentment, but you feel stuck in a storm of emotions.
Maybe your marriage has suffered a series of affairs, and you want your partner to see the impact it is having on your family and marriage. Or, it could be that you are the unfaithful party and realize the damage your behavior has done, but you don’t know how to fix your marriage on your own.
If your relationship has suffered an act of infidelity, you are probably hurt and confused. You probably feel like your relationship as you knew it has become completely foreign and you don’t know where or who to turn to for support. But, help is available.
If you’re feeling lost and alone
restore your trust and faith in your partner, heal your marriage and learn, as a couple, to overcome future challenges to your relationship
As a marriage and family therapist who specializes in affair recovery, I know that I can help you heal your pain, regain trust and restart a loving relationship with your partner.
Unfortunately, infidelity is a lot more common than most of us think. People are either unable to talk about it or unwilling to admit it because of shame, guilt or the desire to protect their family. And, although we often characterize unfaithful partners as narcissistic or morally corrupt, that is frequently oversimplifying what is truly happening in the relationship. Regardless of one’s economic, cultural or religious background, infidelity can happen to anyone. If you or your family has been affected by infidelity, you are not alone.
The majority of affairs happen because a need or issue in the relationship is going unaddressed. Sometimes, partners simply drift apart and the loss of connection and intimacy opens the door to the possibility of a physical encounter outside of the marriage. For other couples, unaddressed communication issues create an urgent need to be heard and validated, which can lead to an emotional relationship outside of the marriage. The good news is, most couples who experience infidelity ultimately stay together, and with proper guidance, they can even enhance their relationship.
For many couples, navigating the healing process alone can be fraught with emotional challenges. More often than not, couples either bury unresolved emotions or rush through the healing process, skipping crucial steps that only further damage the relationship.
Working with a marriage counselor provides you with a structured healing process that ensures you go through each step of the process and heal. It gives you a place to tell your story and process your pain. Recovering from an affair isn’t something that happens overnight, but in time, you can heal yourself and repair your relationship.
My approach to affair recovery is ultimately focused on helping you move from crisis to understanding and reconnecting, and finally, to experiencing a loving and trusting relationship.
I draw inspiration from and use the methods of Dr. John Gottman and Esther Perel to create a structured roadmap for healing that addresses your unique situation and needs.
>> The first phase of the healing process begins with us “Rebalancing” the context of your crisis. After initially finding out about infidelity, it is understandable to be overwhelmed with intense emotions and even despair. So, our initial focus will be reinforcing stability and personal balance so that you can gain clarity and alleviate some of the immediate distress.
>> In the second phase, or the “Reattachment” phase, we will work on ways to bridge the disconnect between you and your partner so that certain important conversations can be had. In this stage, we will explore the meaning of the infidelity by answering the question “Why did this happen?”. We might also explore how infidelity has impacted your health, your marriage, the children or the other party’s family. The goal is for you to be able to communicate with each other deeply and productively so you can have a clear understanding of this complex situation.
>> In the final phase, “Restart,” we will concentrate on beginning your relationship anew. We might discuss how to set healthy relationship boundaries or new rules and expectations for your partnership. And, we will look at ways of eventually regaining intimacy in your marriage.
I understand that infidelity naturally invites judgment, especially from those who are not able to see its complexity. But, my role is to help you both express yourselves safely, without fear of judgment.
I offer fair, pragmatic guidance that can get to the root of your behavior’s motivations and change the dynamic of your relationship so that unmet needs are being addressed. Recovery isn’t magic; it takes work, but with your commitment and my guidance, you can repair your marriage.
Right now you are likely experiencing a lot of shame and self-blame. You probably think that you let this happen or that you are foolish for staying with your partner afterward.
The truth is, this is not your fault. And if you are willing to work through this, despite the pain and trauma, it is because you believe that your relationship has a richness that you don’t want to walk away from. Couples therapy for infidelity allows you to use that energy and faith productively.
Right now, it probably feels like someone pulled the rug out from underneath your feet and you’re just falling. You are probably wondering what, if anything, is for certain. And although I know it is hard, the only way out of this mess is through it, and I’ll be right beside you the whole way.
Learning to trust your therapist is a great first step in learning to trust your partner again. Through our work together, the pain can lessen, and your faith in people, your relationship—even love, itself—can be restored.
She gave us several practical tools & guides that: A) helped us understand each other’s feelings, needs & desires better; B) helped build our communication & listening skills; C) helped us set measurable goals. My marriage has improved by far!
We came with little hope that this will help save our marriage… Shockingly, after the first hour and a half with Idit, we were able to start changing as a couple. We started gaining back the lost respect we had for each-other which was the beginning of a turnaround for us after 7 years of marriage.