Conflict avoidance in relationships is common but is it healthy?  

Perhaps you think it’s no big deal to repeatedly sweep an offense or annoyance under the rug or bottle up your emotions for the sake of a good day together. Maybe you feel that sacrificing your feelings about your partner’s choices or behavior is a small price to pay for fewer fights and seeming harmony. After all, what’s the real harm?

Conflict avoidance actually damages the honesty between you, and inhibits the intimacy you enjoy. As a couples therapist in Miami, FL, I’ve seen the toll conflict avoidance can take on a couple.

Conflict Avoidance: What It Is & What It Does To Intimacy

Conflict avoidance in relationships is the withdrawal from confrontation, or the potential of confrontation, with your partner. You might avoid conflict to lessen the chance of being hurt, rejected, or unheard. You might fear creating a bigger problem or entering into a power struggle or a test of wills.  Those feelings are all valid. Yet, avoiding confrontation does not improve and preserve the intimacy you want.

Why Is Intimacy So Affected?

When one partner stops tackling problems with their partner they rob their relationship of communication, cooperation, and growth. And they give up the closeness that comes with them.  

Also, be mindful that your relationship is a dynamic process not a static union to protect from time and change. The peaceful coexistence you think you are preserving with conflict avoidance is not a reality. You will start to feel the internal pressure of bottled feelings as you become less transparent and relationship authenticity fades. From there, resentment builds and dissatisfaction starts to erode your desire for each other. 

So, what’s the point? The point is that It is important to recognize the link between intimacy and communication. Dissatisfaction in relationships is directly correlated to poor communication and subsequent disengagement. Emotional and physical intimacy are products of the closeness you create together. It isn’t fair for one partner to take it upon themselves to control the quality of the connection. Neither person should suppress what is known, felt, and understood in the relationship. 

Conflict is the chance to check in with each other, your differences may signal new or unmet needs. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be an opportunity to show up for each other in new ways.  Please know that you are not alone if conflict is an issue for you and your partner. Your struggles are no different than the couples who take advantage of couples therapy in Miami, FL with me.

What Happens When Conflict Avoidance Becomes A Relationship Habit?

So many of us feel upset just thinking about conflict in our marriages or relationships. Why? Because society tells us solid relationships are like calm, lazy rivers. We believe that happy couples should drift along with few ripples, waves, or patches of bad weather. So, when trouble brews and the relationship boat is rocked, we often smile and pretend things are “fine.” This is how secrecy and a lack of authenticity take hold in your relationship. Unfortunately, secrecy is the opposite of intimacy. 

Relationship expert Shirley Glass deals with conflict avoidance in her book “Not Just Friends.” She writes that marriages falter and fail when conflict avoidance leads to this kind of secrecy and indifference. Essentially, the inability to share complaints and improve the relationship jointly creates a rift that separates partners.

When you bottle up your emotions, you withhold your inner world from your partner. Thus, the depth of sharing and interaction is superficial and dishonest, leaving one or both of you vulnerable to misunderstanding, and assumptions.

Key Indicators of Conflict Avoidance Between You and Your Partner

Not sure if your relationship is experiencing a lack of closeness and intimacy due to conflict avoidance? Consider the following:

• Do you or your partner withdraw from conflict when it occurs?
• Do you often withhold and suppress anger or resentment?
• Are assumptions and unmet expectations the focus of your conversations?
• Does frustration plague your attempts to communicate?
• Are you accused of shutting down or stonewalling your partner?
• Are you avoiding spending time together, going to bed together, initiating sex?
• Is pleasing your partner how you deal with relationship tension?
• Do you apologize to keep the peace and “get back to normal”?
• Have you convinced yourself that speaking up for yourself is more trouble than it’s worth?

If you find that your relationship communication is marked by these habits, your intimacy is at risk. Now is the time to take action before apathy and resentment lead to permanent damage.

How To Deal With Conflict Avoidance In Relationships: Get Curious and Seek Support

Do you routinely withhold complaints, worries,  stressors, expectations, and ambitions from your partner? Why does bottling up feelings feel like the best solution to conflict in your relationship? When you are emotionally stuck and continue to bottle up your feelings, it may become dangerously stressful, leading to issues like anxiety, and depression. Burying emotions has also been shown to foster and exacerbate physical problems like heart disease and high blood pressure. All this can further complicate emotional and physical intimacy. 

Try joining us for couples therapy, in Miami, FL. A couples therapist has the time, techniques, and tools to help you turn things around productively and positively. You can break the avoidance habit and work through some of the negativity you feel about conflict jointly. On your own and with the guidance of your therapist, also consider the following tips:

How To Strengthen Intimacy With Open Communication And Healthy Conflict Resolution:

Get Comfortable with Vulnerability Again

Essentially, heal the relationship by nourishing each other’s need to be vulnerable. Let each other know it’s okay to share openly and speak plainly. Your goal is to create a stronger bond, not hurt or deceive each other. Be clear that both being transparent and honoring boundaries are relationship priorities.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

To change the conflict avoidance cycle in relationships, change the internal cycle of ignoring your own feelings. Examine your thoughts and behavior when you sense a conflict is coming. To identify relational conflict avoidance, our free quiz can help.

Stop Bottling Up And Start Reaching Out

This starts with a commitment to turning towards each other with bids for attention and connection. when you feel unloved, unacknowledged, and unappreciated, say something as a bid to connect. 

Start Hearing Each Other Clearly

Intentional communication and validation measurably interrupt the conflict avoidance cycle. You and your partner benefit by addressing the issues that keep you anxious and distant. Talk things through while actively listening to each other. Be open to how you’re received and how you are receiving, allowing space for honesty and correction. Affirm each other’s perspective, whether you agree or not.

Identify Obstacles in Your Relationship With Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can help you identify obstacles to relationship closeness and intimacy. It is okay to seek help and support, couples therapy in Miami, FL is the ideal resource to seek guidance and navigate intimacy issues. If you’re ready to begin your path toward reconnection and intimacy, please learn more about couples therapy with Relationship Experts. We are here for you.

READY FOR MORE HONESTY AND INTIMACY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? START YOUR JOURNEY WITH COUPLES THERAPY IN MIAMI, FL

Discover the transformative power of couples therapy. Our couples therapists at Relationship Experts offer a safe place to communicate openly. and offer practical tools to reignite the spark. Embrace a safe space to explore your emotions, understand each other’s perspectives, and nurture a stronger, more intimate bond. Take the first step towards your desired relationship by prioritizing communication and restoring intimacy. Follow these easy steps:

1. Plan a free consultation or call our office at 305-507-9955 to see if couples therapy is right for you.
2. Start meeting with a skilled couples therapist.
3. Begin improving relationship intimacy with effective communication!

OTHER SERVICES PROVIDED BY RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS

At Relationship Experts, our team provides a wide range of services to help you and your partner work through your relationship’s struggles in our Miami, FL-based counseling office. Various services are offered online throughout Florida too. Additionally, we help couples improve intimacy through communication in Couples Therapy, our services include Affair Counseling, Infidelity Recovery Program, and Communication Counseling. We also offer online therapy sessions for couples who hope to heal their relationship virtually. Read our blog for more posts like this!