Every marriage goes through challenging periods. Yet, some mistakes can create lasting damage. This is even more so the case if they’re not recognized and addressed quickly.
Maybe you’ve noticed patterns in your relationship that keep causing the same conflicts. Or, perhaps you’re concerned that small issues are growing into bigger problems. You’re wondering what problems are common in a marriage. What are the “biggest” mistakes a person can make? Are your mistakes “big enough” for marriage counseling or “too big” for marriage counseling?
It’s normal to wonder these things when you’re marriage is struggling. Of course, you wonder how your relationship compares. You know that every relationship is different, but what do experts see as big “problems” in a marriage?
Many couples seeking couples therapy and marriage counseling in Miami and throughout Florida come to us after mistakes (big and small) have taken place. They notice negative patterns that have come up. And often, they wish they’d seen the warning signs they needed help earlier.
The good news is that most marriage mistakes can be corrected when couples recognize them and are willing to make changes. If you’ve been wondering Can most marriages be saved by couples counseling?, the answer often depends on how entrenched these destructive patterns have become.
The Key to Addressing Mistakes in a Marriage
The first key is understanding that these mistakes don’t happen overnight, and they don’t make you a bad person or mean your marriage is doomed. They’re often learned behaviors or responses to stress that can be unlearned with awareness and effort.
No marriage is perfect. No relationship is perfect. And different mistakes or negative patterns impact everyone involved differently.
More marriages can be repaired and strengthened than you’d think. But it starts with a better understanding of what is going on. This post will help you identify the most damaging patterns that threaten marriages and provide practical guidance for avoiding or correcting them before they cause irreparable harm.
What is The #1 Thing That Destroys Marriages?
In one word, the biggest thing that destroys a marriage is contempt.
This may not be the answer you expected, but it’s what I’ve noticed after many years of working with couples, and it’s supported by research. Contempt is often the final nail in the coffin for relationships that could have been saved with earlier intervention.
Contempt goes far beyond anger or frustration. It’s that feeling of moral superiority over your partner. It’s characterized by eye-rolling, sneering, name-calling, or treating your partner with disgust.
Research from the Gottman Institute shows that contempt is the strongest predictor of divorce, and it’s particularly devastating because it attacks the very foundation of respect that relationships need to survive. Unlike other negative emotions, contempt erodes the basic care and concern partners have for each other.
In other words, contempt eats away at the very love you and your spouse have for each other.
How Contempt Develops and Escalates
Contempt develops gradually. Usually, there are other issues there that you’re avoiding. Maybe you’re just trying to keep the peace. But these underlying issues don’t get resolved, and you start to resent each other.
Contempt often starts with criticism that becomes increasingly personal. Then, it escalates to character attacks and eventually to treating your partner as fundamentally flawed or inferior.
Contempt may show up as mocking your partner’s concerns, bringing up past mistakes to prove they’re incompetent, using sarcasm as a weapon, or dismissing their feelings as invalid or overreactions. What makes contempt so toxic is that it often breeds more contempt. This creates a cycle where both partners begin treating each other with disdain.
Contempt replaces love and respect with disgust and superiority. When partners consistently treat each other this way, they stop seeing each other as teammates. Instead, they start to view each other as adversaries or even enemies.
But even when contempt has developed, it can be addressed with professional help. The key is that both partners need to be willing to recognize the problem and commit to change. The key is catching it before it completely replaces any positive feelings between partners and becomes the dominant emotion in the relationship.
What are the Most Common Marriage Mistakes Couples Make?
Beyond contempt, which we discussed earlier, there are many other mistakes couples can make in marriage. For example, assuming problems will fix themselves, trying to change your partner instead of working on yourself, and avoiding hard conversations. These patterns might seem harmless, but they slowly damage relationships over time.
The next section will give you specific examples of what these mistakes look like in real relationships, so you can recognize them in your own marriage.
What Causes Marriages to Fall Apart?
Marriages don’t usually end because of one big dramatic moment. They fall apart because small problems get ignored and grow into bigger ones.
Here’s something that might surprise you: Couples who “never fight” are actually in trouble. Avoiding all conflict hurts relationships. Important problems never get solved. You end up hiding your real feelings and needs.
Another major problem is emotional neglect. This happens when partners stop paying attention to each other’s feelings. It’s not dramatic like yelling or cheating. It’s the absence of connection. Couples start living like roommates—sharing space but not really connecting.
Poor communication also kills marriages. What starts as a small criticism becomes a personal attack. Partners get defensive. Eventually, you either avoid problems completely or have the same useless fights over and over.
The good news? These patterns develop slowly, which means they can be changed. With awareness and the right help, you can build healthier patterns instead.
What are the Top 5 Marriage Mistakes That Lead to Divorce?
My team of marriage counselors and I have provided effective marriage counseling for years. We’ve also read countless pages of research about what makes a marriage work. And attended trainings. What have they found? Here are the five most critical mistakes that put marriages at serious risk:
- Letting contempt replace respect. Contempt is the strongest predictor of divorce, according to research. When partners consistently treat each other with disgust, superiority, or disdain—through eye-rolling, name-calling, or mocking—they destroy the foundation of respect that every relationship needs. This mistake is often the final stage of unaddressed relationship problems.
- Avoiding marriage counseling & professional help until it’s too late. Couples wait an average of six years before seeking therapy. Unfortunately, this allows destructive patterns to become deeply entrenched. This means that by the time couples get help, the problems are much bigger than they had to be. So often, we see situations where couples therapy could have saved both parties a lot of pain if they’d come in earlier. The simple truth is that waiting until you’re considering divorce makes healing much more difficult.
- Assuming trust rebuilds automatically with time. This is particularly damaging after betrayals, infidelity, or broken promises. Many couples believe that trust will naturally return if they just wait long enough. But trust must be actively earned through consistent, transparent behavior and genuine effort. You have to both be committed to repairing the relationship. Time alone doesn’t heal relationship wounds.
- Engaging in emotional neglect. It can be hard to consistently show up in your relationship. Yet, when time and time again partners don’t notice or respond to the other person’s feelings, it has a lasting impact. This creates distance that grows over time. When we say emotional neglect, I’m not talking about dramatic conflict. It might not be that you fight all the time. What I’m referring to here is the absence of emotional connection. Not feeling important or cared about by one another. This leaves both partners feeling unseen and unimportant in the relationship.
- Turning away from each other during stress. Stress is hard on a relationship. And everyone handles stress differently. But turning away from each other when life gets hard can damage a relationship over time. Ideally, you turn toward your partner for support. But when you turn away time after time, it creates distance. It’s often an attempt to be self-protective, but you’re creating distance right when connection is most needed. This pattern keeps you from building resilience together as a couple. And it leads to feeling like your spouse is a stranger or a platonic roommate.
Each of these mistakes is serious, but they don’t happen overnight. Recognizing these patterns early and addressing them with professional guidance gives couples the best chance of creating positive change before irreparable damage occurs.
What Happens When You Stop Being Friends With Your Spouse?
When the friendship dies in a marriage, everything becomes harder. You stop giving each other the benefit of the doubt. Small annoyances feel huge. You assume the worst about their intentions instead of thinking, “They’re probably having a bad day.”
Friendship in marriage means you generally like your partner as a person. You think they’re a good person, even when they drive you wild. You know you can count on them when life gets tough. This doesn’t mean you never get upset with them or that everything about them is perfect.
Here’s what friendship looks like in marriage: When something stressful happens, your first instinct is to turn toward your partner, not away from them. You’ll want to tell them about your day. You assume they care about you, even during arguments. You feel like you’re on the same team, even when you disagree about how to handle things.
Without this foundation, every problem feels bigger. Disagreements turn into attacks on character. You start keeping score of who does what. You stop sharing good news because you’re not sure they’ll be happy for you.
The good news? Even if your friendship has weakened, it can be rebuilt. It starts with choosing to see your partner as someone you care about, not just someone you live with. Look for things you still appreciate about them. Turn toward them instead of away when stress hits.
You don’t need passionate love every day to have a strong marriage. But you do need to genuinely like and respect each other. That friendship is what helps you get through the hard times and enjoy the good ones.
Is it Normal to Make Mistakes in Marriage?
Yes, absolutely. Every couple makes mistakes and goes through hard times. This doesn’t mean your marriage is failing or that you picked the wrong person. Expecting a perfect marriage is actually a mistake that creates stress and disappointment.
Most people never learned healthy relationship skills growing up. So it makes sense that you’d make mistakes as you figure out marriage. These mistakes usually happen because you have good intentions, but don’t have the right tools to handle problems.
Here’s what separates couples who do well from those who struggle: It’s not whether they make mistakes. It’s how fast they notice the mistakes and fix them. Strong couples learn from their mistakes and make changes. Struggling couples keep making the same mistakes without realizing it.
When you start noticing bad patterns, that’s actually good news. It means you’re becoming aware of what’s not working. You can start making different choices. Many couples feel relieved when they learn their problems aren’t weird or hopeless. You can change these common patterns with the right help.
What matters most isn’t the mistakes you’ve made. What matters is that you’re willing to learn, grow, and make changes when you see problems. Marriage is a skill you can get better at throughout your relationship.
Here’s the encouraging truth: Most marriage mistakes can be fixed with awareness, effort, and often professional help. Your mistakes don’t define your marriage or decide your future together. What defines your relationship is how you respond when you realize changes need to happen.
If you’re reading this and seeing some of these patterns in your own marriage, that awareness is the first step toward positive change. Don’t let shame or embarrassment stop you from getting the help you need to turn these mistakes into strengths.
Learn to Avoid Marriage Mistakes with Marriage Counseling in Florida
Marriage mistakes are incredibly common. But they don’t have to become permanent patterns that damage your relationship. The key is recognizing these destructive behaviors early. Then, it’s a matter of getting the right support to change them before they become entrenched.
These mistakes usually don’t happen because a couple doesn’t love each other. More often, it’s because they lack the tools and awareness needed to navigate relationship challenges well. An experienced couples counselor helps provide the structure and skills you need to change unhealthy patterns. They help you and your partner create healthier ways of connecting and communicating.
Don’t wait until small mistakes become big problems.
The earlier you address unhealthy patterns in your marriage, the easier they are to change and the better your outcomes will be. Right now, it feels overwhelming. Right now, you don’t have the marriage you want. But a skilled couples therapist at Relationship Experts can provide support & guidance. Suddenly, your marriage problems become more manageable.
If you’re recognizing some of these marriage mistakes in your own relationship, professional guidance can help you understand what’s happening and provide the tools to create positive change. Our Florida-based team of couples therapists has helped hundreds of couples transform destructive patterns into strengths that make their marriages even stronger.
Begin to Repair Mistakes and Rebuild Trust With Marriage Counseling in Miami, FL
If you’ve noticed mistakes and negative patterns creating distance in your marriage, marriage counseling in Miami, FL can help you turn things around. At Relationship Experts, we provide the guidance and tools to rebuild trust, improve communication, and strengthen your connection. You don’t have to let small issues grow into lasting damage—follow these three simple steps to get started:
- Schedule your complimentary 15-minute consultation or call us at 305-507-9955 to learn more.
- Connect with a compassionate couples therapist ready to support you both.
- Begin repair mistakes and rebuild trust with support!
Additional Services Offered by Relationship Experts in Florida
At Relationship Experts, we understand that even the strongest relationships face struggles that can feel overwhelming. That’s why our marriage counseling in Miami, FL is designed to help couples rebuild trust, interrupt recurring conflict patterns, and strengthen communication for a healthier, lasting bond. In addition to marriage counseling, we offer Affair Counseling, a tailored Infidelity Recovery Program, Communication Therapy, LGBTQ+ Therapy, and Betrayal Trauma (EMDR) Recovery. Services are available both in-person and online, making it easier to get the support you need. For helpful resources and guidance on creating a stronger relationship, visit our blog for practical tools and expert strategies.
About The Author
Idit Sharoni, LMFT, is a licensed therapist who has been helping couples in Florida for over 10 years. She specializes in helping couples spot problems early. They are able to learn real skills to build stronger relationships. Idit works from Miami and provides online therapy to couples throughout Florida.
While based in Miami, Idit’s team provides online therapy to couples throughout Florida—from Orlando to Tampa, Jacksonville to Fort Lauderdale. Their structured approach helps couples not just solve current problems but develop skills to prevent future issues from damaging their relationship.
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