Have you recently gone through a breakup? Do you feel as though you’re mourning a death? Does it sometimes feel as if death would have been easier to handle than a breakup? If so, then you are not alone. Many people can’t see the light at the end of a tunnel after a breakup or a divorce. How can you see the light when what you’re going through is grieving?
Even though a death has more meaning and is more significant, the feelings in a breakup are similar to grieving a death. The reason for this is because your ex will no longer be present in your world. However, your ex will still be present in your mind and your heart for some time.
I want you to know that what you are feeling is completely normal after a breakup. Your body is biologically reacting to the breakup/divorce and loss of the attachment. Reactions may vary from person to person but we all experience the same attachment issues after a breakup or divorce. We are all hardwired to fear rejection. When a loved one dies we do not (usually) experience rejection, so it is easier to cherish all the wonderful memories you had together. However, when it comes to a relationship breakup, it is very painful to cherish these memories. If you were the one who broke up the relationship, you might eventually end up having these feelings of rejection as well when the anger settles down and you start missing the feeling of being with someone. I get that.
In this episode from Relationship Uncomplicated, my co-host Alina and myself will go in more depth of where these feelings come from. We will also discuss the four tactics of self-care to help you cope with your breakup and to help you get over it.
Links mentioned in this episode:
Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, explains attachment theory as it relates to romantic relationships.