Avoid taking your partner for granted - Learn from the Zen

Idit Sharoni

Avoid Taking your Partner for Granted


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I'm Idit Sharoni.
I'm a Miami licensed couples therapist, a relationship podcast host, and an educator. I help couples transform their patterns of communication and I specialize in healing after infidelity. 

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…I’m gonna love you Like I’m gonna lose you…

Know this trendy song by Meghan Trainor & John Legend? I just love it! I love the message in the lyrics because it reminds me of a conversation I had with a Japanese tourist years ago. It was in language school when I was studying to improve my English. Our teacher asked each one to describe their cultural background in English (what else?). The guy from Japan explained about the ZEN culture. He said they learn it there from the moment they are born, but promised to try to give us the gist not that there was one.

One of the things he explained about relationships in the Zen culture was how they say goodbye. He said that they always say goodbye, as if it’s the last time they see the person. That struck me right there and then and stayed with me since. I thought “How interesting… I never thought of saying goodbye like that…”. When we asked him to explain, he said that it is so that we don’t take relationship/our partners for granted. And, this is how this song “Like I’m gonna lose you” lyrics caught my attention.

Are you taking your partner for granted? And if so, what does that mean?

Many of the couples I see, tell me that, at one point they started taking their partners for granted due to different reasons. Some partners say they haven’t noticed doing that; while others mention that while knowing they’re taking their partners for granted, they thought they would never leave, hoped they will change, or figured they shall survive this too. Some couples do survive hard times, but others drift further apart to the point they feel like they share a household with a stranger or with a roommate.

Makes me think… How can we love like we’re gonna lose without going too crazy?

Thinking of loving someone like we’re going to lose them can be a frightening thought. It’s almost like living in constant fear… and who needs more anxiety these days?? However, I do believe there is a way to do this without losing our own minds. What if we just take our partners less for granted even if they’re still there looking like they’re never going anywhere? What if we, for a few seconds imagine what life without them will look like? It’s almost like a brain reset. Not a lingering thought. A short imagination moment that may bring change to how we do relationships.

How it works for me

Since that day when I heard the Japanese guy talk about Zen, I do find myself having moments of thinking on HOW I say goodbye, how I am with my husband, kids, and family. I have to say, it makes a difference as long as you don’t obsess about it. Try it out. See how it works for you.

CLICK HERE for the song’s video.

To your relationship success,

Idit Sharoni, LMFT


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